Boredom, Heart Stuff, and Why I stay out of Hospitals

One would think that after my last Adventure in the Hospital (see:  http://okomfoadwoa.blogspot.com/2012/02/dentist-lidocane-and-adventures-in-er.html ), I would steer clear of any hospital...especially that one which starts with Presby- and ends with -terian.  However, I decided to let the "tsk, tsk, tsk" of friends overwhelm the "nutrition, exercise, water and lifestyle change cures everything" belief of myself, my mother and Owen Brown, my nutritionist/vocal coach/personal trainer/guru.

Lately, I have been passing out...a lot. I mean... one moment "Hello!'", the next moment "kerplunk!" I am always able to steer my body so that I don't hit tables, concrete or sharp edges before I go careening into the ground. I know I need to increase my water intake, but as I am now drinking enough water to store in my hump like a camel and still getting dizzy every time I stand up, I figured, let me figure something else out. Along with the dizziness and passing out comes these crazy heart palpitations that sometimes come out of nowhere.

Now, did I go to the doctor because of my passing out? Nope. I went to the doctor because I slipped & fell in the snow (for fun) and shortly after that was having severe back pain and rib pressure...as well as difficulty breathing. I posted this on the trusty Facebook and received responses that varied from "You better go to the doctor or you're gonna die" to "YOU BETTER GO TO THE DOCTOR OR YOU'RE GONNA DIE!!!" Caving into peer pressure, I made the appointment, only for them to tell me "Nothing's wrong, make sure you stretch your back!"...which still is hurting by the way, and I still have pressure on my rib & lung. So since I was already giving them my copay, I decided to mention my passing out. They ran tests, found nothing, then ran a quick in office test where I laid down, they took my BP & heart rate, then I stood up and they did it again. When I stood up, my BP was pretty much the same, but my heart rate had skyrocketed through the roof and was up there dancing with snow boots on. "Um...yeah..." said the doctor "We are going to bring you in for a tilt-table test"

So forward to a week later, Adwoa is on YouTube looking up "tilt-table test" and hyperventilating. "Oh, gosh...passing out is not going to kill me, but this tilt-table test might!" I had to make myself stop looking.

Fast-forward to Monday, March 17th. As I trembled my way into the hospital, a sea of green greeted my eyes everywhere I looked, but unfortunately green couldn't be a salad anything like that as the visit was a fasting one. Place on gown which covers nothing and sit on bed...nurse comes in and places a very painful IV in my hand. After that, I sat starving, bored, and watching TV...for FIVE HOURS. In comes the doc who explains the test. "No big risks, blah blah blah...you may pass out...blah blah blah, you may get dizzy...blah blah blah... your heart may stop...blah, blah blah" Wait a minute. Did he just gloss over "your heart may stop"??? 

Finally they wheel me into the area where the tilt table test will be done. A bed-looking contraption, a bunch of wires, equipment, other machines looking like a auto garage, and two VERY ANGRY-looking technicians. Ok, um, what did I do? "Ok, so we are very sorry, but we are short-staffed, so we will not be doing your test today. It's not our fault and we're so angry!" YOU'RE angry??? You've got to be KIDDING ME! You show me the Room of Doom, then say "Go away and come back tomorrow"?

So I go back to my room, where a very apologetic nurse offered me food, then yanked out my IV as if I'd just made a very inappropriate joke about his mama. I assume he was just being careless, because he seemed really caring when he offered me food, but when he removed my IV, it hurt like hell! Doctor comes in "No big deal....blah blah blah... I think I know what it is anyway...blah, blah, blah...you need to drink more water, eat more salt, wear compression socks and exercise." So...Doc...you're basically telling me that I'm old, fat & dehydrated. And I need to move my lazy limbs to get better circulation...even though I recently stopped going to dance class because I was getting too dizzy and could barely stand up. I also lost almost 40 lbs within the last year, but I guess that was not recognized either!!! Get some granny socks, drink a bucket of water, get a salt lick and take your lazy ass too the gym! Thanks, Doc...

So fast forward to Friday, the reschedule date...everyone knows my name and graciously ushers me through registration, outpatient room & IV setting. IV goes into my right arm this time and you can imagine my chagrin when I realized I couldn't bend my elbow to text! Speedily they take me to the tilt table test room....which is cold as a meat locker, by the way. Two friendly & funny technicians strap me to the table and say they are going to snap pictures as soon as I pass out. I get attached via various cords to heart monitors, blood pressure machines, etc. My anxiety is through the roof and I am incredibly nervous, but I giggle along because these guys are funny! "Ok, so we're gonna go ahead and lift the table, you just go ahead and relax..." BAM! I passed out in seconds. The technicians were nowhere near me and I shocked them both. They ran over to assist me and lowered the table. I was crying like a baby! It's very scary to pass out and not be able to direct my fall. So the NAYSAYER doctor comes in and I can tell by what he's saying that he DOESN'T BELIEVE I PASSED OUT! As if I would fake something like that. So, he suggests another test and because I am a glutton for punishment, I agreed. One of the technicians joke "You passed out too fast, I didn't even have a time to get my phone out to take a video & put it on YouTube!" So onto test #2

"Ok, so this time, we're going to be right here watching you...I'm going to go ahead and tilt the table...You ok? Ok, look me in my eyes" My eyes had started to cross at this point and I was losing focus. "Ok, count with me, ok?" Count? Counting takes focus and brain power and I was beginning to loose both. How can lifting someone on a table cause this type of reaction??? "1...2...3...37...65...purple...banana... deoxyribonucleic acid..." BAM! I go down again...this time with the technician looking right at me. The doc comes in and I am again crying "Oh...it's ok, you don't have to do the test if you don't want to." "Don't have to do it??? I already DID it!" He is shocked at this. "You mean she already passed out?" I went down in under 4  minutes. He then begins to quiz the technician on all of the signs of passing out "Did you check her pulse? Were her eyes crossed? "Did she yelp like a chihuahua?" The technician seemed annoyed in a "Why don't you go tend to a triple bypass and let me do my job" kind of way. So...naysayer doctor leaves the room for a bit, checks the charts & comes back in and with still a bit of disbelief and states that I have the highest rate of passing out they have ever seen and no one has ever gone down that fast. He prescribes more water, more salt, blood pressure medicine and some sort of medicine which he described would make water and sodium constrict my ankles to get the blood back to my heart and...well, basically, give me cankles.

By the way, I was also told that I may have actually lost too much weight too fast! Really??? After Doc was calling me a lazy pig person just a few days ago.

So...after all of this, I am convinced that I really just need to increase my water intake and get the proper nutrients in...As for this experience, I am strongly considering going forward not to go back to the hospital unless there is a bone or baby jutting out of me. 

Owen, I am calling you for a nutrition consultation!